Find the reason to get out of Bed

Scripture of the Day:

Matthew 4:23   

     

And Jesus went about in all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and preaching the Gospel of the Kingdom and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people

March 7, 2012

            I had my oncology check on Tuesday and told her how hard the side effects were on me. I am switching to arimidex for a month to see if it’s better. I start it tonight after a couple of days off the leterzole. So I read up on it. It’s dangerous to pregnant women. They aren’t supposed to even touch it, let alone take it. That concerns me. When I was getting chemo treatments, I was supposed to flush the toilet twice so that I wouldn’t dispense any chemicals into the air. I’m thinking that I radiate this stuff from my skin. Emily who is pregnant may come home for Spring Break. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hug her or even hold the baby when the time comes. I’d stay on the leterzole and suck it up if that were the case. So I called the nurse at the cancer clinic. She assured me that it would be fine. I could hug my daughter and hold my grandchild when it’s born. Then she said, “You just can’t breast feed it!” …like I could! We both got a tickle out of that.

            I’m really tired and I’m thinking I need a day off. But I keep finding a reason to get up and go to work. I suppose that’s a good thing.

July 30, 2014

This was a very hard time. The cancer medicine caused me so much pain and still does. My bones, muscles and mostly my joints just ache. Different doctors have given me medications to help the pain. Those have side effects of their own. So, I don't take them. I'm at the point now that I don't really notice the pain all that much. I'm told that it will all go away when I stop taking it in 2 years. I cannot wait. 

I was able to hold our new grandchild and now she is pregnant again. This time it is a little girl. I cannot wait. She is due December 18, 2014. We'll be spending Christmas in Germany. There is always a reason to get out of bed.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

1 Year Anniversary of Notification

Scripture of the Day:

Jeremiah 30:17

I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord, because they, called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.

March 4, 2012

It was a year ago yesterday that I found out I had breast cancer. Only a couple of times in the day did I get a little sad. The weather was like the weather last year…gloomy. I did post on Facebook and got a lot of encouraging remarks. Johnnie said, “…and Thank God you found out and got it taken care of early!” You just can’t argue with that.

July 16, 2014

I really find it amazing that this little bit is all that I wrote about the one year anniversary. March 3, 2011 was one of the most devastating days of my life and a year later it gets barely a paragraph. I guess I should look at it as a good thing that I gave it no more weight than that. 

I have this book called A Woman's Daily Prayer Book and I read it daily and actually post some of them on Facebook. Today's scripture was:

I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thinkg I do; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.  Phillippians 3:13-14. Maybe that's what I'm doing...forgetting what lies behind. I know that I did not get here on my own. God has been with me all the way.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Reasons to Survive

Scripture of the Day:]

Jeremiah 17:14 (NLT)

O Lord, if you heal, I will truly be healed; if you save me, I will truly be saved. My praises are for you alone.

February 29, 2012

I was up front at school looking for a student when a breast cancer survivor came to pick up her daughter.  How did I know? She looked like me 2 or 3 months ago. She was wearing a scarf with a breast cancer pin.

All I said was “congratulations”. She didn’t have to ask why. She knew I knew. She also recognized it in me. I was wearing a wig yesterday. We just hugged. Her’s was worse than mine in terms of stages and I got a tickle out of her reason to survive. She didn’t want her ex-husband to get her kids.

            Everyone I’ve ever met that has had it always has had a joke about it. That alone, can be so uplifting.

            I don’t know if God sent her to me or me to her. I hope our meeting accomplished what He intended. I know I smiled for the rest of the day.

July 11, 2014

I never really had to look for a reason to survive. My survival was never in question and always the only option. But I'm sure others handle their breast cancer differently and the lady's reason from above is as good as any and what a wonderful attitude. 

I also believe that God sends people our way every now and then when we need them the most. I believe that God sent her my way that day and it has not been the last time. 

Even though my survival was never in question for me, I still had and have rough days. God lets me know that he has not deserted me. He won't desert you either. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you. 

One Year Anniversary of Biopsy

Scripture of the Day:

Isaiah 38:20 (NLT)

Think of it – the Lord is ready to heal me! I will sing His praise every day of my life with instruments in the Temple of the Lord.

February 28, 2012

One year ago today, I had my biopsy. It was just inconceivable that it would result in anything but good news. As upset as I’ve been the last couple of weeks, the Lord has really stepped up and let me know I’m NOT alone and it’s ok. He did so again today. John sent me an email with the Lord’s Prayer. It also said that this was going to be a wonderful year, that He (God) had taken care of everything!

July 9, 2014

It was a rough day and really is every year. It is getting easier to go through that particular anniversary. John is my brother who has just recently accepted Jesus Christ in his life. It is just wonderful to know that he has done that. 

People still tell me how good I look. Then I realize how far I've come. I truly have come a long way and I am a walking blessing because I am healed. 

I've taken up working out at the recreation center here in Virginia Beach. I swim daily and they have an aquatrack that I just love. I'm becoming even more healthy. Thank you Lord, God.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

On Vacation

I will be out of town until July 7th. 

Enjoy your Forth of July.

God Let Me Know He's There

Scripture of the Day:

Proverbs 3:8 (NLT)

            Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones

February 27, 2012

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my biopsy. As I’ve said before, this is not an anniversary I particularly want to celebrate even though I should. Yesterday, the service at Tabernacle Baptist Church seem to be all about me even though we all know lots of us get the same message for whatever reason. But breast cancer was actually mentioned. I’m not the only one in the congregation that has it. Pastor Baker talked about trusting God and His infinite wisdom and trust that He won’t desert us. One of the hymns was Standing on the Promises of God. This was the first hymn that spoke to me a year ago. What an awesome feeling to know  He was right  there beside me yesterday.

Am I still sad? Yes. Do I feel like celebrating yet?  Not really. But do I feel like I’m in the arms of Jesus and he’s encouraging me? Yes and Amen. Today is the first time in a couple of weeks that I don’t spend a few minutes out in the car crying before I start my day.

There were also things said in the sermon that made me feel right about retiring. I’ve often thought if I’d known then what I know now, I might have picked a different career. Well, I know now that the opportunities are out there and God will put me where He wants me.

I just watched Joel Osteen. It was the same thing – a message for me. It was much the same, except when you think about your problem, look down. It’s under your feet. I liked that phrase. 

June 20, 2014

It's been over 3 years since this time in my life and I still am not thrilled when those anniversaries roll around. But it is neat to read this again and remember what an impact God had in my life then. And He still does. I am never alone and it feels wonderful. 

I have started getting out and exercising at the local gym. I am enjoying that. I'm meeting new friends and working to stay healthy. 

We had cancer insurance that I bought because I used to smoke. I figured I'd get lung cancer. I carried this for almost 20 years before we had to use it. We were discussing policies and whether we should keep them. I am just not secure enough about my recovery to let that one go. My husband, David, was great about it. If it gives me some kind of security, then we keep it. As a cancer patient, I am now uninsurable. I can't get life insurance or elder care insurance or any medical until I've been cancer free for 5 years. I have 2 to go.

April 21, 2016. 
I have had my oncology check up and my breast surgeon check up for April. I will come due again in October. To important things will happen at that time. With my oncologist, I have been given the choice to get off of the Letrozole. I get to choose. I have taken aggressive action with my treatment of my breast cancer. But I'm pretty sure that I will choose to get off of this medication. The side effects are hard to live with. I will have to visit my oncologist once a year forever.  

With my breast surgeon, it should be my last appointment. I will not have to go back there any more. Just look where God has brought me!!

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

I'm Their Hero?

Scripture of the Day:

Psalm 107:20 (NLT)

He sent out His word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death.

February 24, 2012

I have a friend that I was close to when we were stationed in Orlando. We’ve kept in touch off an on through the years, but I haven’t heard from her in a while and all the numbers  are disconnected and the emails return.  I miss her and I haven’t been able to tell her about this or find out how her family is doing.

There are so many thing that I don’t understand. People call me there hero. I don’t know why. I just don’t feel like I’ve done something heroic. I’m just surviving. People ask me how I’m doing and my answer is “I’m tired, but it’s all good.”  My friend Brian asked me how I was doing and that was the answer I gave him.  He said that I wouldn’t tell him if there was something wrong.  He was smiling and I took it to mean that I never complain. That’s not really true either. But it was nice of him to say. Emily (my daughter) says I’m fighting this like a trooper. I just don’t feel like it.

June 18, 2014

I still have not found my friend and keep looking. I still miss her. 

People still say I'm their hero and I still don't get it. I didn't have a choice in this matter. Death was not an option, so I did what I HAD to do.  I don't see that as heroic. But if I can be a role model to anyone at all, then I feel good about it.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Recurrence and Breast Reconstruction

Scripture of the Day:

Psalm 103: 1-5 (NLT)

Let all that I am praise the Lord; with all my whole heart I will praise His name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things that He does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. He renews my youth like the eagle’s.

The following is from a website that concerns recurrences. Sadly some people have to go through the process more than once. The website that I took this from is at the bottom.

Recurrent breast cancer

Recurrent breast cancer means the disease has returned after treatment. Most recurrences appear within the first two or three years after treatment, but breast cancer can recur many years later. This type of breast cancer may come back in the breast, chest wall or in other parts of the body.

Breast cancer that returns locally (i.e., in the area of the surgery) is called a local recurrence. If the disease returns in another part of the body, it is called metastatic breast cancer. Women with recurrent breast cancer will receive treatment based on where the cancer returned.

Recurrent Breast Cancer

The next thing after the mastectomy is choosing a form of reconstruction. I was given 4 choices. The first was to do nothing. 

I had a double mastectomy and for about 5 minutes I considered doing nothing. I hate wearing a bra. This would've solved that problem. 

The next is a prosthesis. 

These things are very spongy and I was surprised. They seemed pretty heavy to me. I hated the thought of readjusting those every time they fell out of place.

The third was implants.

There are two types of these...saline and silicone. I originally wanted the saline. The thought of silicone leaking into my body was an awful thought. But my plastic surgeon, whom I really like, convinced me to use the silicone. He said they would be more natural. Since I can't compare the choices, all I can say is these silicone implants are fine. You can feel that they are not real. So, if these are better, I really can't imagine how fake the saline ones would've looked.

The last is complete breast reconstruction. This I was told would take 12 hours of surgery and they would take material from my stomach and use it to make my  breasts. It involved breaking my ribs, I was told. Twelve hours and broken ribs did not appeal to me so I chose the implants. You can read about reconstruction at the site linked below.

Breast Reconstruction

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Stage IV Breast Cancer

Scripture of the Day:

III John 2: 2

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

This is the final real stage of breast cancer. In this stage the cancer has spread to other parts of the body. I have known people with stage four that are doing well and I have known one who didn't survive. The following is from a website that I found that explains this stage. There is a link at the end of this post that will take you to this website.

Stage IV breast cancer

Stage IV breast cancer means the cancer has spread elsewhere in the body. The affected areas may include the bones, brain, lungs or liver, and more than one part of the body may be involved.

TNM

At stage IV, TNM designations help describe the extent of the disease. Higher numbers indicate more extensive disease.  Most commonly, stage IV breast cancer is described as:

• T: T1, T2, T3 or T4, depending on the size and/or extent of the primary tumor.
• N1: Cancer has spread to the lymph nodes
• M1: The disease has spread to other sites in the body

Stage IV Breast Cancer

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Stage III Breast Cancer

Scripture of the Day:

Luke 4:40

Now when the sun was setting, all they had sick with divers diseases  brought them unto him, and he laid his hands on them and healed them.

Stage III Breast Cancer

The following I took from a website that found particularly easy to read and understand. The website link is at the end of this post.

Stage III breast cancer is a more advanced form of invasive breast cancer. At this stage, the cancer cells have usually not spread to more distant sites in the body, but they are present in several axillary (underarm) lymph nodes. The tumor may also be quite large at this stage, possibly extending to the chest wall or the skin of the breast.

Types of stage III breast cancer

Stage III breast cancer is divided into three categories:

In stage IIIA breast cancer, one of the following is true:

• No tumor is found in the breast, but cancer is present in axillary lymph nodes that are attached to either other or other structures, or cancer may be found in the lymph nodes near the breast bone, or
• The tumor is 2 cm or smaller. Cancer has spread to axillary lymph nodes that are attached to each other or other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone, or
• The tumor is 2 - 4 cm in size. Cancer has spread to axillary lymph nodes that are attached to each other or to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breast bone, or
• The tumor is larger than 5 cm. Cancer has spread to axillary lymph nodes that may be attached to each other or to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone.

In stage IIIB breast cancer, the tumor may be any size, and the cancer:

• Has spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast, and
• May have spread to axillary lymph nodes that may be attached to each other or to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone.
• Cancer that has spread to the skin of the breast is inflammatory breast cancer.

In stage IIIC breast cancer:

• There may be no sign of cancer in the breast or the tumor may be any size, and may have spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast.
• Cancer cells are present in lymph nodes above or below the collarbone
• Cancer cells may have spread to axillary lymph nodes or lymph nodes near the breastbone. \
• Cancer that has spread to the skin of the breast is inflammatory breast cancer.

Stage IIIC breast cancer may be operable or inoperable:

• In operable stage IIIC: cancer is found in 10 or more axillary lymph nodes, or is in lymph nodes below the collarbone, or is in axillary lymph nodes and lymph nodes near the breastbone
• In inoperable stage IIIC: cancer has spread to the lymph nodes above the collarbone

The survival rate for stage IIIA breast cancer may be slightly higher than for stage 3B, and the survival rate for stage IIIB may be slightly higher than for stage IIIC. However all women diagnosed with stage III breast cancer have several promising treatment options.

TNM

At stage III, TNM designations help describe the extent of the disease. Higher numbers indicate more extensive disease. Most commonly, stage III breast cancer is described as:

• T: T1, T2, T3 or T4, depending on the size and/or extent of the primary tumor.
• N1: Cancer has spread to the lymph nodes
• M0: The disease has not spread to other sites in the body

I don't know that I've met anyone with stage III breast cancer. So I can only go by what this link says. But hopefully, it will make things clear to you if you are at this stage.

Stage III Breast Cancer

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Stage II Breast Cancer

Scripture of the Day:

Matthew 8: 16

And when evening was come, they brought unto Him many that were possessed devils: and he cast out the spirits with His word; and healed all that were sick.

The following was taken from a website. It describes stage II of breast cancer. I struggle trying to decide if I should capitalize the B and C and give this disease more importance it deserves or make it lower case because I'm trying to make it mean so little. I have known friends with stage II and they are doing well. I just can enough about early detection. The link to this website is at the end.

Stage II breast cancer

Stage II breast cancer indicates a slightly more advanced form of breast cancer. At this stage, the cancer cells have spread beyond the original location and into the surrounding breast tissue, and the tumor is larger than in stage I disease. However, stage II means the cancer has not spread to a distant part of the body.

At stage II, a tumor may be detected during a breast self-exam as a hard lump within the breast. Breast self-exams and routine screening are always important and can often lead to early diagnosis, when the cancer is most treatable.

Types of stage II breast cancer

Stage II is divided into two categories:

At stage IIA, one of the following is true:

There is no tumor within the breast but cancer has spread to the axillary (underarm) lymph nodes, or

The tumor in the breast is 2 cm or smaller and cancer has spread to the axillary lymph nodes, or

The tumor in the breast measures 2 - 5 cm but cancer has not spread to the axillary lymph nodes

At stage IIB, one of the following is true:

The tumor measures 2 - 5 cm and cancer has spread to the axillary lymph nodes, or

The tumor is larger than 5 cm but cancer has not spread to the axillary lymph nodes

The survival rate for stage IIA breast cancer may be slightly higher than for stage IIB. However, all women with stage II breast cancer are considered to have a good prognosis.

TNM

At stage II, TNM designations help describe the extent of the disease. Most commonly, stage II breast cancer is described as:

T: T1, T2, T3 or T4, depending on the size and/or extent of the primary tumor.

N1: Cancer has spread to the lymph nodes

M0: The disease has not spread to other sites in the body

Stage II Breast Cancer

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Stage 1 Breast Cancer

Scripture of the Day:

Matthew 8:7

            And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him.

Stage 1 Breast Cancer:

The following in Italics is taken from a website that I found that I thought explained the stages very well. The link to that website is at the end of this post. 

Stage I breast cancer is the earliest stage of invasive breast cancer. At this stage, the cancer cells have spread beyond the original location and into the surrounding breast tissue.

Because a stage I tumor is small, it may be difficult to detect. However, breast self-exams and routine screening are always important and can often lead to early diagnosis, when the cancer is most treatable.

Types of stage I breast cancer

Stage I is divided into two categories:

• Stage IA: The tumor measures 2 cm or smaller (about the size of a pea or shelled peanut), and has not spread outside the breast.
• Stage IB: Small clusters of cancer cells measuring no more than 2 mm, are found in the lymph nodes, and either there is no tumor inside the breast, or the tumor is small, measuring 2 cm or less.

The survival rate for stage IA breast cancer may be slightly higher than for stage IB. However, all women with stage I breast cancer are considered to have a good prognosis.

TNM

At stage I, TNM designations help describe the extent of the disease. For example, there may or may not be cancer cells in the lymph nodes, and the size of the tumor may range from 1 - 2 cm. Most commonly, stage I breast cancer is described as:

• T: T1, T2, T3 or T4, depending on the size and/or extent of the primary tumor.
• N0: Usually, cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes
• M0: The disease has not spread to other sites in the body

TNM is a way of staging the cancers. Mine was Stage 1 Noninvasive Intraductal Carcinoma. According to Wikipedia this is abnormal cells found in the lining of the breast duct. my tumor was 1.6 cm in size. Above it says that this size of tumor is often hard to detect. In my breast surgeon's office she has a chart that says how long it take for a tumor to grow to a specific size. Mine took 8 years. To me that is mind boggling to think that this started in my 8 years prior to the discovery. I was walking around all those years with a time bomb in my chest. Mine had not spread to my lymph nodes. Early detection was key to the success of my recovery. Please check yourself and get your mammograms.

The for more information please follow the link to this website:

Breast Cancer Stage 1

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know he loves you. 

Breast Cancer stage 0

Scripture of the Day:

Matthew 4:23        

And Jesus went about in all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and preaching the Gospel of the Kingdom and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.

Breast Cancer Stages

There are 6 stages in breast cancer. The first is stage 0. The following in italicized is a direct quote from a website that I found. Information about this website is at the end of this post.

Stage 0 (carcinoma in situ) breast cancer

Stage 0, also called carcinoma in situ, is the earliest stage of breast cancer. This very early breast cancer stage is sometimes interpreted as a precancerous condition. Many stage 0 breast cancers do not require treatment. When they do, the approach is generally very successful.

The five-year survival rate for stage 0 breast cancer is 93 percent. This means that almost all women diagnosed with stage 0 disease will live for at least five years after being diagnosed. In fact, women diagnosed with stage 0 breast cancer usually live long and healthy lives.

What is stage 0 breast cancer?

At stage 0, the breast mass is noninvasive. At this stage, there is no indication that the tumor cells have spread to other parts of the breast or other parts of the body. Often, stage 0 is considered a precancerous condition that requires close observation, but not treatment.

Stage 0 breast cancer is difficult to detect. There may not be a lump that can be felt during a self-examination, and there may be no other symptoms. However, breast self-exams and routine screening are always important and can often lead to early diagnosis, when the cancer is most treatable. Stage 0 disease is most often found by accident during a breast biopsy for another reason, such as to investigate an unrelated breast lump.

Types of stage 0 breast cancer

There are two types of stage 0 breast cancer:

Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) occurs when breast cancer cells develop in the breast ducts. Today, stage 0 DCIS is being diagnosed more often because more women are having routine mammogram screenings. DCIS can become invasive, so early treatment can be important.

Lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS) occurs when abnormal cells develop in the lobules. These cells are not cancerous and this condition rarely becomes invasive cancer. However, women who develop LCIS may be at increased risk for developing breast cancer in the future. For women who develop LCIS, the risk of getting an invasive cancer is 20 - 25 percent over 15 years after the initial diagnosis.

The information that is italicized came from a website that I researched looking for this type of information. You can go to the this website using this link:

Stage 0 in Breast Cancer.

I found out so much more about just this stage than I knew existed

Up coming Anniversaries

Scripture of the Day:

Jeremiah 30:17

I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord, because they, called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.

February 23, 2012

My mood gets lower and lower the closer I get to anniversary dates. For the last week, I’ve cried all the way to school. I’ve managed to pull it together by the time school actually starts. But there are so many things that make me sad because I know bad things happen. The new is upsetting. My retirement may upset some students and that bothers me…or it may not and that bothers me.

I look at these young girls walking the halls with cleavage and I miss mine…my real cleavage (like I had any to begin with). I read postings from my classmates and miss my youth. I miss my children. They don’t really need me anymore.

I watched the movie Soul Surfer. That 13 year old child witnessed to so many to so many people because of the loss of her arm. What have I done lately? A Christian teacher tried to make me feel better and she did. I don’t know how God is using me and I really don’t need to know. All I really have to do is live in my faith and trust that I am helping someone because I contracted breast cancer. Maybe I dram of grandeur, that I want to know the profound difference I ‘ve made in someone’s life. Maybe after almost a year, I’m still trying to figure out why this happened to me. Am I being a role model for someone? If so, who? Please don’t let it be Emily, Jess Hailey or Mom or any of my sisters, nieces, sisters-in-law or mother-in-law or friends. That’s the scary part. What if this happens to someone very close to me? When I think like this, I imagine how helpless David feels about not being able to fix this for me.

The first major anniversary coming up is the biopsy on February 28^th, next Tuesday. I don’t know if I’ll make it through the day or not. Should I even try? I was looking at the calendar and the biggest anniversary in my mind falls on a Saturday. They told me I had breast cancer was March 3, 2011. I wont’ have to attempt to work that day. Maybe next year all this won’t be so frightening.

May 21, 2014

I remember those days. I was so afraid of so many things. Some of them I still am. I don't want any of my family members to become ill from any kind of horrible disease. I pray for continued health for everyone. The anniversary's aren't scary any more like they used to be. Now I can look back and see how far I've come. My faith has brought me here. I am and always will be a survivor. If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

Music that Sooths Me

Scripture of the Day:

Jeremiah 17:14 

 Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me, and I will be saved.

February 17, 2011

I’m getting close to the one year anniversayry of the biopsy. It took place on February 28^th at Portsmouth Naval Hospital. It feels in some ways like it’s been a long year. In other ways, I don’t know where this year has gone.

My preferred music has changed. I listen to a lot of Christian music. “ A Mother’s Prayer” by Rachel Aldous is a song as much because of Emily’s baby coming in September. It always makes me cry. I adjust the prayer to cover so many of my loved ones when I hear it…even myself. What a beautiful song!

Another song that brings tears is “Anyway” by Martina McBride. This is so inspirational to …”do it anyway”

.

Then there’s Jesus Take the Wheel. This song about a dirver. But why not ask Jesus to take my “wheel of life”?

There are the songs that talk to me about my love for David and his for me. “Devoted to You” by the Everly Brothers was sung at our wedding 30 years ago and again when we redid our vows in June. “Your Love Amazed Me” by John Berry is another one. David’s love truly does amaze me. He is as much a survivor as I am. He told me on Valentine’s Day that I was an answer to a prayer. He’s been with me through this all as I’ve said endlessly. And he still is taking good care of me.

Another is  “Too Me” by Lee Greenwood and Barbara Mandrell. This is also a tear jerker for me. This song is about what the loved one is “to me”…and David is. It’s like they wrote the song about us.

I hate my new “normal”. I get so frustrated with it. The side effects of leterzole is bond, muscle and joint ache; dizziness; and exhaustion. I have all of those and sometimes, I just would describe it as extreme.

I don’t know if it’s a side effect or not, but I also can become very winded climbing the stairs. I refuse to take the elevator. But at the top of the stairs, I have to stop a minute or should stop a minute to get my breath back.

I have also started what I call mini-anxiety attacks. I get the OMG feelings and my heart stand still. These last long enough for me to take notice. Then, I’ll start breathing slowly and they go away.

One side effect that seems to have disappeared is the hot flashes. I still get them but not very often.

The numbers of people that need prayer just keep getting larger. I prayed hard for the sister of a classmate who was having open heart surgery due to complications from lupus. She did not survive. I was kind of amazed at how much it upset me. The only thing that comes to mind is that “There but by the Grace of God”. It could’ve been me and still could down the road.

But I prayed for a friend that had an ultrasound for lumps in her breast. Her ultrasound came out fine. They were deemed to be cysts. She has recently quit smoking, too.

Since my tumor is gone, do I have breast cancer or is it “I had breast cancer”. I’m still confused about so many things as I reach the end of my first year as a survivor.

Anyway By Martina McBride It's a great song if you're feeling low.

May 14, 2014

Wow. the first part of what I wrote is rather mushy. Just lets you know what my frame of mind was. I still tend to listen to the same music. It gives me inspiration and peace. It settles me sometimes. I have to mention one more song. It's "I Run For Life" by Melissa Etheridge. She is a breast cancer survivor and this is her song about her journey. 

My new "normal" has become normal without quotations. That is a good thing. I still have the side effects of my medication and I still have to take it for 3 more years. I'm told that the side effects will go away within one month of not taking it. I can't wait. That time is getting closer. I know longer have the anxiety attacks I was having back when I started the meds. 

But the number of people that need prayer just keeps increasing. It's hard to keep up. I've gotten to where I do a blanket prayer, because I know that God knows my heart and knows those people that I think about that need prayer. I have to trust that he's hearing all of those names even if I'm not saying them. I found out yesterday that the sister of a friend that had breast cancer now has stomach cancer. So I've added another name to my list.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Fear of Just Getting Sick

Scripture of the Day:

Isaiah 58: 8

Then shall thy light break forth as the morning and thy health shall spring for the speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee, and the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.

January 26, 2012

For so long everything hurts. There are days when I needed help getting up out of a chair. Sometimes it’s painful to get into and out of the car and I am so tired.

I’ve been dizzy when I lay down and when I get up out of bed. It passes fairly quickly. But yesterday , I  had to stop every 10 or 15 feet down the hall and hang onto the wall for a minute. So I decided to go to the doctor. I hate doing that. I’m so afraid they’ll find something really wrong. They did an EKG and chest x-ray and took blood. I have vertigo and a bad cold…nothing to do with breast cancer. It’s the first time this year that I missed work for something other than breast cancer appointments.

My hair is getting longer and pretty wavy if not curly. People are telling me they love it and to keep it short. It is also very salt and pepper. They’re saying a look healthy. My AP said that I have never used breast cancer as an excuse for anything at work. That’s probably not exactly true. I try hard not to let it be an excuse.

May 9, 2014

Things still hurt. I've grown so accustomed to it I just ignor it. It is the side effect of my cancer medication. It's worse sometimes than others. My hair has just recently grown long enough to get it all up in a scrunchy on the top of my head. Even though I agree with my friends that it looks great short, David likes it long. For everything he has done for me in the last 3 years, it is a very small price to go the the stages to get it long again. The salt and pepper gray has disappeared some too. At 61, what gray I have in my hair is not that much. 

I still hate having to go to the doctor when I'm sick. I'm still afraid of what they will find. But I still go. I can't afford not to if I want to stay on top of my health. 

I remember working hard not to try to get out of doing certain parts of my job using breast cancer as an excuse. It was important to me to get back to something remotely normal and keep it that way. I think it was as much for my own recovery as anything else.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.