Fear of Just Getting Sick

Scripture of the Day:

Isaiah 58: 8

Then shall thy light break forth as the morning and thy health shall spring for the speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee, and the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.

January 26, 2012

For so long everything hurts. There are days when I needed help getting up out of a chair. Sometimes it’s painful to get into and out of the car and I am so tired.

I’ve been dizzy when I lay down and when I get up out of bed. It passes fairly quickly. But yesterday , I  had to stop every 10 or 15 feet down the hall and hang onto the wall for a minute. So I decided to go to the doctor. I hate doing that. I’m so afraid they’ll find something really wrong. They did an EKG and chest x-ray and took blood. I have vertigo and a bad cold…nothing to do with breast cancer. It’s the first time this year that I missed work for something other than breast cancer appointments.

My hair is getting longer and pretty wavy if not curly. People are telling me they love it and to keep it short. It is also very salt and pepper. They’re saying a look healthy. My AP said that I have never used breast cancer as an excuse for anything at work. That’s probably not exactly true. I try hard not to let it be an excuse.

May 9, 2014

Things still hurt. I've grown so accustomed to it I just ignor it. It is the side effect of my cancer medication. It's worse sometimes than others. My hair has just recently grown long enough to get it all up in a scrunchy on the top of my head. Even though I agree with my friends that it looks great short, David likes it long. For everything he has done for me in the last 3 years, it is a very small price to go the the stages to get it long again. The salt and pepper gray has disappeared some too. At 61, what gray I have in my hair is not that much. 

I still hate having to go to the doctor when I'm sick. I'm still afraid of what they will find. But I still go. I can't afford not to if I want to stay on top of my health. 

I remember working hard not to try to get out of doing certain parts of my job using breast cancer as an excuse. It was important to me to get back to something remotely normal and keep it that way. I think it was as much for my own recovery as anything else.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.