Your Life is No Longer Your Own But You Are Loved.

Scripture of the Day:

I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord,

because they, called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.

Jeremiah 30:17

 

March 10, 2011

The following is a letter or email that I sent to my good friend:

Dear friend,

I’m sorry I didn’t look at the phone until this morning.(She had tried to call) They didn’t tell me anything and said it would be 5 to7 days. (after my MRI) I came home depressed and upset. I guess maybe I’ve reached that angry part.(of the grief cycle) I am no longer in control. I had to lay there for 20 minutes with a “fire” alarm sound going off. “Don’t move, don’t cough”, “put your boobs here”. “Be here then and there at this time”. (And the departments can’t coordinate that timeline to everyone’s satisfaction) “Put this on, open if front”. I’ve been poked, prodded, and pushed. “Which arm do you want the IV in?” “Go to this floor, and then go to that floor.” “Oh you work? Oh well, sucks to be you” (They didn’t say that, that’s just the mentality). “You have breast cancer, I’m sorry, so did my mother, aunt, sister, cousin…They did this, that, the other…you should talk to…” The biggy is put this on open if front. Put this on open in front. (That's where the rest of my site name came from)

I hate to miss a day of work to have a pity party for myself. But I’m sooooo tired!

I love you,

Tobie

 

 

…and the leave I’m burning up? I don’t have long term disability benefits. I haven’t gotten the form from the cancer insurance. I guess I can ask for leave day donations. I have about 6 weeks of pay checks in savings. But I wanted to go to Germany this summer. We have CD we can cash, we could sell the Volkswagen!

I thought I was in the sick bank. My pay stub says not. I can still ask for donations form colleagues. I’m so tire. I’m typing this from a page in a handwritten journal. At the top of the page it says 1.6cm tumor. I don’t know if I’ve already typed that in or not.

 The following is the email that I sent to friends and colleagues:

Dear Friends,

I have some information that would like to share with you. It is not good. On Thursday after school, I got the results of the biopsy that was taken on my breast last Friday. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t have a lot of information yet. David and I spent this weekend in Stony Creek. It was a powerful weekend for us in personal growth and spirituality. So that being said, let me introduce you to myself, I am Tobie Davis, the next survivor of Breast Cancer. That is my mantra. I say it every time I think about what’s happening to me.

Thanks

Love,

Tobie

 

I got this email from Brian and Linda. It says:

Dear Tobie Davis, the next survivor of Breast Cancer!

It goes to God every time you say it…. We will say it with you!!!! God is good….is with you every second of the day! You have the personality to beat this. I have heard that attitude is so important (and you have attitude ☺)!!!

Can we add you to our church prayer chain? Call or write if you need anything…prayer, food, and ear?

Much love,

Linda and Brian.

Putting this down here, I remember how hard it all was. But people were so amazing. I didn't know how blessed I was. I will probably say this again, because the blessing just kept coming. That is exactly how I started any conversation to let someone know that I had breast cancer. I started by saying that I was the next breast cancer survivor. My name went on lots of prayer lists and I believe that is part of my continued health and being cancer free. I also believe that the woman we prayed for last week will also be blessed. I can feel it in my soul, that she is.

Enjoy your day.