3 Years Cancer-free

Scripture of the Day:

Isaiah 53:5

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him and with his stripes we were healed.

November 19, 2011

It’s been a month since the implants went in. It still feels like foreign objects in my body, although it is getting better. Dr. Taylor said not to buy new bras until about January. But I had to. Non of the bras I have fit any more. I don’t think about much of anything right now except the feel of these things on my chest.

March 28, 2014

Today I have been cancer free for 3 years. Has the fear left me? No, not really. I still see the scars in the mirror in the morning. So, it's hard for a day to pass and not think about what happened to me. Yes, when all is said and done, I would have liked this not to have happened. But make no mistake. I am a survivor and I intend to keep living my life that way. I have discovered how blessed I really am. God has given me so much in the last 3 years I look at life so much differently. Keep the faith. You can do this too. 

I still have to take my cancer medication for the next 2 years. I'm told that when that is done, the side effects will disappear within the month. I am truly looking forward to that. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

Getting the Clean Bill of Health

Scripture of the Day:

2 Thessalonians 3:16

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.

November 9, 2011

I got a clean bill of health. Aches and pains from surgery and healing well. It’s the first time that I left a doctor’s office without having to make another appointment. I’ve chosen to wait for Dr. Taylor to get back from Afghanistan.

March 26, 2014

Getting the clean bill of health when you go into the doctor for check-ups is still a great thing. I have appointments this month with my breast surgeon and next month with my oncologist. I still get a little nervous, afraid that they'll find something. You'll notice that after almost 3 years, I'm still going for those check-ups. I'm told that the ones with my oncologist are now a life-time committment. 

If you find a doctor that you like, stick with them if you can. Doctors that I personally click with are very hard to come by. If you don't like your doctor, find another. They are out there and you deserve the best.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

A Scare in the Hallways

Scripture of the Day:

Matthew 13:15 (NLT)

“For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes so that they cannot see, and their ears cannot hear and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.”  

 November 8, 2011

Last Friday, Nov. 4^th, I got elbowed in the left breast. This was just after getting back after having the implants put in. It was an accident. I couldn’t even tell you  who did it. It was an “ow” and move on down the hall and forget about it. This was around 9:00 AM as I stepped into a crowded hall of students after first block.

About an ho

ur later, I had the first really sharp pain. This was “Stop what youyr’re doing “ painful. It passed quickly,  though. But it happened again that night and tow more times Saturday morning. Then there was aching afterward and a serous hot flash. So we went over to Portsmouth Naval Hospital.

It didn’t take long to get taken back to the ER. We were there 7 hours. I had tow IV’s in my arm. One was a small needle. The other was put almost in my armpit. They needed to find that vein with an ultra sound. It was a much bigger needle and longer. They need it to put a stain that was going to help my cat scan. They had to do both IV’s twice. The doc mentioned how close the artery was. I was a little nervous about that. I kpe telling myself, at least I was in a hospi8tal already.

I had several of the pains and then  the hot flashes while we were there. They did an EKG. The nurse said it had a blip on it. They wanted to find the EKGs done in March and 3 weeks ago to compare. They did a chest x-ray and cat scan. They were able to rule out a blood clot, aneurism or heart attack…the most important things. So they let me go home with orders to see my doctor. I had that already for tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what Doctor Taylor has to say when I tell him about it.

He told us he was deploying to Afghanistan. I’m supposed to get nipples in 3 months and areolas 3 month later…or wait until he comes back in August.

I wonder if I’ve mentioned that I have to offset Tylenol ( kidney damage possible) with ibuprophen (possible liver damage). So many changes  and different wasy things are done.

March 21, 2014

I remember this. It was a very scary time. I remember that I took it to the administration and they let me leave the classroom a few minutes early to avoid the crowds in the hallway. I could leave the classroom because I was what is known as an inclusion teacher. I as a special educator would work with the general educator in the classroom to help at risk students and special education students to get and understand the material. I was very much less stressed by being allowed to avoid the crowds.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

Choice of Implants

I said the path is too steep. Jesus said, “I will not let your feel slip.”

I said the road is dark. Jesus said, “I am your light”.

I said I don’t know the direction. Jesus said,” I am the way.”

I said I am weak and tired. Jesus said, “I will carry you.”

March 19, 2011

I realized that I didn't put anything in my journal about the decision I had to make about the implants that would be used. I've mentioned before that some of the hardest things for me to do at that time was make decisions. There just seemed to be so many of them to make. 

I had three ways I could go to choose from for my implants. First, I could have a tummy tuck and they would take the tissue and rebuild my breasts. If I remember correctly, this would have been a 12 hour procedure as they would have had to rebuild some blood vessels so as to have blood circulating as it should. They also would have had to break a couple of ribs to do it. I didn't choose this one. Even though the tummy tuck sounded great, the pain I imagined with broken ribs didn't sound good to me at the time. Between the surgery and the chemo, I'd had enough of pain.

The second choice was silicone implants and the third was saline implants. The surgery for these would only be an hour or so and the pain after would be so much less in my mind. I actually chose the saline implants. I'd read a lot of things about the silicone implants leaking and the problems it caused. That scared me. But in talking to Dr. Taylor, he convinced me that the silicone implants would be better. They are more natural to the touch and actual leakage is very rare. I don't know if the saline ones would not have been natural feeling or looking because I went with the silicone. They do look natural and they also feel natural. You can see that they are implants, however. There are indentions that just aren't natural. But I guess that's ok. It's not like they are out there for public display. Make no mistake. I am still greatful for my life and glad to be living it to the best of my ability. 

I'm coming up on my 3 year anniversary and I have to say they still don't feel like they are a part of me. They still feel like something that has been attached to my chest. I don't want to sound like I'm depressed about it and I'm not sure that I'm just not being stubborn about it. It may not have the same affect on you.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Getting My Implants

Scripture of the Day:

Hebrews 12:11 (NIV)

          No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it

October 29, 2011

We’re at Stony Creek. We haven’t been here in 3 weeks. I’ve had a couple of exhausting days! I’ve been so tired that I cried myself to sleep.

One thing I forgot to mention about the surgery is that I got a fat lip I also still have bruising from the attempts to get an IV in my arm. I had to use the fingernail polish remover to get the leftover tape off.

I’m going to have to buy new bras. I believe Dr. Taylor made me bigger than I expected to be . To me they still don’t look anything like normal. Dr. Taylor probably would not like to hear that. But hey still feel like a foreign body inside me. I’ll never have any real feeling in certain areas. Why women would consciously choose to do this is beyond me! And they don’t bounce! What’s normal about that? Dr. Taylor told me that in 6 weeks, I could go without a bra because “These babies aren’t going anywhere”.

March 14, 2014

Stony Creek is another home that we have out in the country. It was and still is my haven. I find a  peace there that I have found no where else. I have a friend who mentioned that she would like a place as a haven. I suggested for her the ocean. She lives near the Atlantic. I would go there often when David was deployed. Try to find a haven for yourself. Think of a favorite place close by and go there. 

I've said before the hardest thing for me was having all the decisions thrown at me at once. I didn't mention before was that I had to decide the size of the implants. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't want to have to wear a training bra, but I didn't want what you'd picture on a pole dancer (excuse the analogy). I told him B cup as I was before. I'm thinking that I was never a full B cup. Now I am. 

Even now after 3 years, they still don't feel like anything but a foreign body. But I have grown accustom to them and they are mine. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Be In Control of you recovery.

Scripture of the Day:

Jeremiah 30:17

I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord, because they, called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.

October 25, 2011

My students have been great. One young lady made me a cake, wrote me a beautiful poem and gave me a breast cancer bracelet, pink soaps and pink candle.  The soaps and candle pertained to the poem.

One the 15^th of October, we did our walk for the cure. Our team raised $5200. Sarah Blanchard put me over the top the week before the race. Princess Anne had a “jeans day” for me and raised $734.00. Our team was Emily (sleep-in), Tuesday, Susan, Cara, Joe ( a friend of Tuesday) , David, Evan and Hailey, Mom , Nancy, Sara, Savannah, Breanna and Marlee, Bailie Winegardner and her sister Haley. It was a beautiful day.  Sara and I didn’t think we’d make it the whole 5k. But we did.  Channel 13 had a camera and Nancy pulled me over to them. It wasn’t bad and of course it made the news because I got upset.

After the race, we came back and had a big family dinner at Mark and Susan’s. Susan made all the food. It was great. It was a great weekend. Oh yes! We even saw a pod of dolphin as we came down the boardwalk.

Becky was really upset about not being there. So I sent her the pictures. We had two discs. I also sent the “bib”, they had our names on them. There was also a pom-pom. There were golden rod sheets. On one side it said, “I race for the Memory of…or “in celebration of …” I’m excited to see the scrapbook. Becky is really good at that.

I went to school that next Monday. I got an email from a student. He’d decorated it up with breast cancer background and wished me luck with my surgery the next day.

On  October 18^th, I had my surgery with the breast implants. Like the mastectomy, I had to shower Monday night and again Tuesday morning. We didn’t have to be there until 9 am. They tried 4 different places on my left arm to put in an IV. He got on in but as soon as he released the medicine the blood vessel blew. His name was Lt. Tim. I fully expected that I’d never remember his name until he started having IV problems. He finally called in Commander Dan. My Iv went in my right ankle. I told him “now I’d never forget his name” and laughing.

David had a hard tie with some of it. Every time they poked me, of course, I’d flinch. He had a hard time with what I had to go through to get an IV started. The ankle worked. He kissed me before I went in. I don’t remember anything after that. The next thing I remember is the lady trying to wake me up, I just wanted to be left alone. I don’t’ remember getting to my room or what time. David says it was round 3:30/4:00.  They gave me a narcotic for the pain. I took one bite of the chicken. They had to detach me so I could go to the restroom. I fortunately got there before I puked up everything I hadn’t eaten since 6:00 the night before. It happens every time. Amazingly, I was not in as much pain as I expected.  It was tolerable. But after a while I got tired of tolerating it. All I wanted was Tylenol. But no!!! I refused the narcotic. So they gave me something that I could only take twice a day. I took ti at 10 PM. It wasn’t really all that helpful. At about 4:30, I was read for Tylenol. They wouldn’t give my anything until 10 am. Even in all of it – was never intolerable pain. Then the interns can’t get it straight. One told me the drain would com out before I left. Another said I’d have to wear it until I came back for my recheck. This guy said that he recommended a narcotic for my pain. He couldn’t understand that I refused. He said he was going to write a script for it to go home. I told him not to bother. But he wasn’t going to give me ibuprofen and Tylenol. When he left, I told the nurse that I just wait for my real doctor (Dr. Taylor). She busted out laughing.  So I told God “I’m in your hands”  which is what I said to him on the way to the hospital. I had a fever and was afraid they’d tell me they wouldn’t operate. Anyway, the pain disappeared and has not returned!! The only reason I’ve taken the Tylenol is because of the itching which means it’s healing.

On Thursday, we went over to the Komen Center to give them the $85 from Mom.

Just like the mastectomy, we scheduled some kind of outing. On Friday, we went back to the hospital at about noon. Dr. Taylor took my drain out. I don’t have another appointment until November 9^th.

After that, we went to the Homarama. We drove around in circles for a while. There were 9 houses. By about the 4^th or 5^th house, I had to quit climbing stairs. House #7 was dedicated to breast cancer They had people writ  on quilting squares. I wish I had taken a picture of min. I think I wrote “Faith, Hope, Family and Friends will et you through.”

They houses were pretty outlandish, but we saw a couple of ideas. On Saturday, we took the dogs to the groomers. Then, we finally went out to the Jackson Grey’s Memorial. This was the name of a local troop from the Civil War.

After that, we went to look at RVs. Wow. There were some beautiful ones.  One was $250,000 marked down to $150,000 because they wanted to get it on the road. It had a diesel engine.

In the meantime, I’ve been cross-stitching my angel. I am so close to being done.

I went back to school today. It went pretty well. I got  large part of IEPs and meetings done and set up.

March 12, 2014

We had a great time walking in the Race for the Cure. Being a busy family that traveled from Ohio for that, we have not been able to do it again. 

I've been preaching staying busy and getting out. I still do. Don't give yourself time to mope. I have and it just brings me down. Of course, you'll have days when you do. Please be able to forgive yourself when that happens. 

Don't let the doctors dictate those things you can control. Of course when they tell me I have to take the Letrozole for the 5 years, I will. But when they tell me that I have to take a narcotic that will make me sick for the pain, I put my foot down.  There are some things that you can control. Don't let others do that. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

Concerned can be over helpfulo

Scripture of the Day:

Hebrews 12:11 (NIV)

          No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

September 28, 2011

It’s been 6 months today since my surgery. I’ve joined a team for Race for the Cure. Tuesday set up the team. I am about $1850.00 short of reaching my goal of $5000.00. I’m getting my implants on October 18^th. I should be out for a week.

We’ve been back in school about a month. It’s been kind of hard. I am refusing to accept my limits. It’s hard to decide what my limits are. I am doing everything I used to do and getting frustrated when people won’t let me. They won’t let me volunteer for anything. For example, I’ve done Thursday after school detention fro the last 2 years. I didn’t get a copy of the schedule this year. I kept asking the assistant principle in charge for a copy. She kept “forgetting” to get it to me. I talked to her at Open House and she assured me I wasn’t scheduled for the next  day, Thursday.  I finally got it…I’m not on the schedule. So I emailed her and flat out told her that I knew that I wasn’t on the list at all. No response.

I went to a survivor’s meeting last night. The guest speaker was talking about lymphodema. I’ve been having pain in my right arm. I just thought that Iwas trying to get feeling back or that I’ve used it a lot since school started. Now I don’t know. I have an appointment on October 7.

I have my dates for the implants – October 18. I go the 13^th for the pre-op. I’m not as excited as I thought I’d be. Part says it’s because I’m getting tired of being poked, prodded and squeezed, stuck and cut.  Part of me is still wondering if implants are what I really want.

March 7, 2014

I do remember this. It was so frustrating when people "took care of me". I know they were just concerned and they meant well. But I really wasn't an invalid. No I could lift anything over 10 pounds, but that was it as far as restrictions. I couldn't make people understand that I was fine. If this is happening to you and you can't make them understand, just go with the flow. It will pass and count them as a blessing that they are concerned enough to watch over you.

Lymphodema is a problem that causes extremities to swell. There was one lady at the meeting that had it. She had to wear these really tight coverings on her arm. Mine ended up being healing taking place. I still can't feel a lot after 3 years in some areas, but some did come back.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

The Treatment is Working

Scripture of the Day:

1^st John 5: 14-15

          This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask we know that we have what we asked of him.

August 29, 2011

I went to Colonial Williamsburg on the 18^th with Bryan, Eiki and Hailey. I’m still trying to get out of the house often. Apparently, I overdid it.  Monday the 22^nd, I went to Patient First. I had congestion, headache and dizzy. It was all so scary. Before you got sick and you went to the doctor. Now it’s a whole new thing. Now your afraid of what they may find. I had a sinus infection and dehydration. But Tuesday moring the dizziness got so bad I couldn’t move, much less cross the room It felt like th day I almost passed and was readmitted with pneumonia. So now I was really scared. Susan drove me to Portsmouth Naval Hospital and David met us there. They put a mask on me before I left triage so I wouldn’t get germs and put me in a room instead of one of the bays with a wrap-around curtain. Turns out I also had a urinary tract infection. They also gave me a bag of saline drip. I’m  thinking Patient First should’ve addressed the dehydration. This was the day of the 5.8 earthquake. My gurney wanted to take off across the room. David didn’t feel it. He was in the hall walking toward the food court

My fingernail on my index finger started feeling funny. Then it started feeling like it could come off. It hurt while I was doing something. It felt better with a band aid wrapped tight. When I took the band aid off today, ¾ of the fingernail had turned white. I came home from work (1^st day back for the new school year) and called the nurse at my oncologist’s office. .She said it could be an effect of the medication in the “next day” shot. But since it’s been 6 weeks since my last chemo treatment, it shouldn’t be happening. I’m crying again because yet another thing is happening. So we go to Patient First again. Everyone must be sick today. We were thinking about having our mail forwarded to the doctor’s office. (Our attempt at humor). Turns out it is chemo-related. He said it wasn’t a fungus and that he’d never seen anything like it. He said all my fingernails are affected. I cut back all of my nails and he gave me a metal protector to keep from hurting when I know it against something. It does feel better knowing. But, I’m getting really tired of new things happening.  I see the oncologist tomorrow. I have several things to ask her.

While we were in the waiting room at Patient First, a woman walked by us. I find myself looking at other women’s breasts. This woman’s were not right. One was bigger than the other and were uneven. Later, she asked what kind of cancer I had. (We seem to recognize each other often). When I told her breast cancer, she said she was a 33 year survivor. She said she had a friend who had a nurse got in her face and told how bad chemo was going to get. She then told her that every time she lost a hair on her head or a fingernail, she wanted her to remember when that happens it’s working. When her friend went back after chemo to thank the nurse, no one had ever heard of the nurse. The strange thing is, I didn’t tell her that I was the doctor for a fingernail. It was strange. She got called back first, so we never saw her again.

March 5, 2014

I remember this. It was so bazaar. This woman that told me her story without knowing why I was there. I do want to remember what she said...that if the side effects are there it is working. I had forgotten that. It sounded very encouraging then and still does now.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

Three Years Ago Today

Scripture of the day:

Isaiah 12:3

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

March 3, 2011

They called about the results and asked if I wanted to discuss them now. I said no. but I knew.

Then I looked up fear in the Bible. The 2^nd scripture I looked at said “Fear not Abram, I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward.” Gen 15:1 I just sat there (at school) God – it’s only been 15 minutes sitting here scared out of my gourd and looked up. It’s only been 15 minutes. Time has stopped!

(Deut 9: 1-3) [Before we have a problem, God has the answer] He’s already taken care of it. He’s making your crooked places straight. Nothing will set you out of god’s hand.

Mr. Varney came in to observe me. I asked him not to and he said “You can do this, let’s just get it done”. I had been thinking of throwing in an educational video. But I went ahead and taught and got my evaluation done.

After School:

I called and got the news – invasive ductal carcinoma. She told me I needed another mammogram, surgery and MRI.

I went to talk to Susan. She told me that I wasn’t defined by my breasts. David got home around 3:30 or 4:00. I was just standing at the kitchen window looking outside. It was a cloudy gloomy day out there. He took it hard. Never in our wildest dreams did we envision the result of breast cancer.

After a while I started calling everyone. I put the kids off until last. It was the hardest thing informing everyone. They were all so upset. It was midnight when Emily finally found out.

It took David and Johnnie all of 10 minutes to make the leap to Dr. Brown 2 years ago.

Johnnie said she put God on notice that He was GOING TO HEAL ME! I called in sick to school. I couldn’t face the kids yet.

March 3, 2014

Three years ago today was the darkest day of my life. I try to stay upbeat, but I'm not always successful. I've worked hard to get where I am today and I won't stop, but all things being said and done, I would've liked the results of the biopsy had been different. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.