My First Chemo Treatment

Scripture of the Day:

Ephesians 4:32

            Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

May 26, 2011

I had my first chemo treatment Tuesday. I had no idea what to expect. I guess we got there at 11:00 AM and she said we’d be there 4 hours. So, David went home to get food and entertainment…a book, my tablet , and my kindle. The IV started with Zofren for nausea. It make me drowsy, so I slept some, read and played “angry birds”. When  we got done, we went to the mall and bought my first wig. It’s not really me. But I don’t think any will be. Emily wants to cut her hair and send it to me to be made into a wig. I have a prescription for one wig that insurance will pay for. I’m trying to figure out how to do that. I hope I can have it done.

Then I went back yesterday for a shot for my white blood cell count for some reason. I’m also taking some pill that started yesterday and I take it twice a day.

She said that after the shot, my joints would ache and they do. I ran home from school real quick for the stool softener. I feel really constipated rather than the loosener it said.

I felt so bad for David. While we were at the mall a bad storm came through. You could see the hail on the skylights of the mall and some window broke. When we finally left the mall, the tents outside where they were selling rugs had blown over and destroyed. We were worried about the deck chairs and the pool cover.  When we got home the chairs were on the cover, but the cover held. We lost enough roofing to let water into the house. He didn’t want to leave me alone after the chemo since we didn’t know what was going to happen. But he had to go buy tarps to cover the roof. So I stayed with Susan (my sister-in-law across the street) while he and Mark (my brother) took care of the roof. He’s so afraid that he’s not going to be there when I really need him.

We’re going home for Michael and Lauren’s wedding. I’m thinking that’s going to be a real emotional trip. Just talking to family by phone can bring tears. I am truly looking forward to going. I need my mom. She mad it home from the hospital yesterday herself. I’m glad for that. 

December 30, 2013

That first day actually took 5 hours. When I left I still had no idea what would happen. I felt fine at the time. I just remember being tired. If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless with his healing touch. I know he loves you'

I also maintain a blog of my craft projects. This is what keeps me sane in my retirement. Gammie's Corner

Deciding to have the Chemo-therapy

Scripture of the Day:

John 14:1

Let not your heart be troubled; Ye believe in God. Believe also in me.

May 14, 2011              

I wrote down John 14:1 yesterday. Turns out I already had it. But for it to come to me again is God talking to me. “Let not your heart be troubled” That’s the hard part. My oncotyping came back and of course, I was in the middle, just like I said I would be. So decisions to be made yet again. But there really isn’t a decision. I’m taking chemo like I got the double mastectomy. “Believe in Me”. I do Lord. That’s the easy part. I just feel like it just keeps coming over and over – what’s next? I tell people, “I don’t care”. It sounds fatalistic. But to me caring about this turn of events takes too much energy. I need to care about the healing process. And yet, I’m upset and depressed. But at the same time, it hasn’t been 24 hours since I found out.

Emily joined our team as a sleeper since she won’t be here. She’ll just collect money.

When I talked to Evan, he said the phrase I always so to them, “This too shall pass”. It made me smile.

I called Gwyndra. She gave me a feel for what to expect with chemo. It doesn’t sound so scary. She said when her hair started looking bad, she just had Mike shave it.

Susan G. Komen Tidewater chapter has a survivor committee. I’m thinking about joining. They could also tell me where to get wigs and turbans or hats.

December 20, 2013

If this is the first that you've read this blog, I took an oncotyping test to determine if I would benefit from chemo-therapy. It would either say I don't need it, I can't go without it, or be in the middle and I would have to decide. Of course, I had to decide. We were at the time and still are very agressive and proactive in my treatment, so we decided on the chemo. Gwyndra is my sister-in-law and she is a cancer survivor also. It was very helpful talking to her about the things that were about to happen to me.  I was very encouraged. 

I want to let you know that I will be taking next week off for the holidays. We also will be celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary next week. If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch.  I know he loves you. 

Join in on the Race For the Cure

Scripture of the Day:

Numbers 6:24

The Lord bless thee and keep thee.

4/7/11 Not exactly scripture, but this morning on Facebook I was doing the status shuffle and this came up:

“I woke up this morning to God’s voice saying,” You are a mountain that will not be moved by man. Your soil is fruitful and solid. You will stand and grow at my will. “ (I like the last sentence). Amen 

May 13, 2011

It’s been a short week for my first week back to school. I came home so tired. Last night, I went to bed at 7:30 and didn’t want to get up at 4:30 this morning. We saw Evan last Saturday night. He and his band collected $600 for the American Cancer Society. Not to be out done, Tuesday created our team for Race For the Cure next October. She has called me so many times this week, I don’t bother to check caller id. I just answer. I joined the team for $30 and sent out emails to collect money or ask for people to join our team. Buddy and Frannie donated $50 ASAP.  David joined, too. Sara and Breanna and mom are supposed to join the team. Tuesday’s all gung ho on fundraisers. I told her to handle it and let me know where to be and when. We’ve designed several flyers to pass out. This should be interesting.

John 14:1

Let not your heart be troubled; Ye believe in God. Believe also in me.

December 18, 2013

I will be forever grateful to my family for the support they gave me. Evan is my son who was in a band at the time. Tuesday is my niece. She was so ready to take care of everything as far as fundraising went. She had so many wonderful ideas and we used most of them. I remember being really surprised when our good friends donated so quickly. At this point in 2011, I didn't have a whole lot of faith that we'd be raising a whole lot of money. Buddy and Frannie's donation to Susan G. Komen in my name gave me a lot of encouragement I needed. If you think you might want to put together a team for the Race for the Cure held every October in about every major city, now is the time to do it. It is a lot of fun here in Virginia Beach. The people who race dress up in the craziest out fits. Start now and do your fund-raising before it's too late. Google Race for the Cure in your area. I know the dates for 2014 are already out there.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know he loves you.

I maintain a second blog. This is craft projects that I do to keep myself busy and entertained. You may find something you'd like to try. Gammie's Corner

Find Reasons to Laugh

Scripture of the Day:

Daniel 10:19

And aid, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be stron, yea be strong and when head had spoken to me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my Lord speak; for thou has strengthened me.

This is another of those times when I want to share what I have seen on facebook. These are very moving sites that may give someone hope and courage. The first is a gentleman whose wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. He started dressing in a pink tutu just to make her laugh. I still remember the first time I had a gut wrenching laugh. It felt so good.  Tutu Project. This site also takes donations to help with medical costs for those who need it. I can tell you that chemo-therapy is VERY expensive. 

Robin Roberts on Good Morning America is my hero. She is surviving breast cancer and a rare blood and bone marrow disease. Because of her Good Morning America and the whole network went pink in October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. A news anchor on that show took a mammogram on the set to show that they are easy to do and don't take that long and doesn't hurt that much. This next site is her story. Amy Robach. Everything she says here is what I felt when I found out and had to tell my family.

This last site is Martina McBride singing her song about Breast Cancer. I cannot listen to it without crying.  I'm Gonna Love You Through It. Have you ever had a singer that just seems to sing about you? That seems to know what your going through and has a song for it.  This is another song that she seemed to write for me. Anyway. I first heard it when my husband and I went to Florida to see the dolphin that they made the movie Dolphin Tale about. Watching that animal without her tale was very inspirational for me. If she can go one with her tale, I can go on without my breasts.

If you are taking this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you. 

I maintain a second blog where I do craft projects. This keeps me occupied and entertained. I think that's important to anyone's recovery. Gammie's Corner

My Medical Bracelet

Scripture of the Day:

Joshua 1:9

            Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest. (You are not alone)

May 5, 2011

I had a fill-up today. It wasn’t as bad as last week for me. But David is having a hard time today. I went to school to turn in my release form. I was talking to Shirley and she made me realize that I’m still trying to be too much in control. I’m saying “bring on the chemo, let’s get it done!” But is that me giving God control or me maintaining control? I’m ready to go back, I think. I also now wear a medical bracelet that says “No BP No IV in Right Arm.”

December 13, 2013

The fill-up I'm talking about here is my expanders. Every week they put more fluid of some kind in to stretch my skin to accommodate the implants when it comes time to do that. You can see that I often question things, such as am I trying to be in control too much. God was always in control, no matter what I thought or expected. I still wear the bracelet. I'm told that IV or Blood Pressure cuffs could cause lymphodema, a lymphatic obstruction, a condition of the localized fluid retention and tissue swelling caused by a compromised lymphatic system. My breast cancer was on the right side and they removed lymph nodes on that side also to make sure that cancer had not left the breast and traveled into my body. It had not, thank God, but now my lymph node system on that side is compromised. I have to say that my poor left arm doesn't know how to handle all the activity. It has been used so much for IVs that they have a hard time getting one in there. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

I also maintain a second blog. This blog is about the crafting that I do to maintain my sanity as a retired teacher. I have to stay occupied. You may like some of my projects on Gammie's Corner.

Life Goes On Around You

Scripture of the Day:

Romans 8:38-39

            For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nothings present, northing to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

May 4, 2011

I talked to Mom last night. She sounded good. She’s having PT and rehab today. Mark is also sick. I’m afraid it’ll become pneumonia. My mental health is better today, though. Evan and his band have put together a benefit for Relay for Life and American Cancer society for me Bless his heart. I’ll be there.

December 12, 2011

Life doesn't stop just because you have breast cancer and making deals with God doesn't work. I'd gladly have suffered through this if it saved anyone of my family or friends from suffering for anything. I would want my brother and my mother well and healthy again. But of course, they have to walk their own path and live through their own trials. We are a very strong family and I know they will now and in the future.

I sing in a group called the Daybreak Singers. We are just a bunch of military wives that got together to sing. This group has been in existence for 30 years. Last night we performed at a church. My voice didn't make it through the night. I came home a little upset that I had to fake it. I found my flowers on the kitchen table. How did he know? I hope you have someone in your life that can pick you up like my David does me. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with His healing touch. I know He loves you.

I also maintain a second blog. This is a blog for crafting. I do the projects to keep me busy and occupied. Gammie's Corner

I Met My Oncologist

Scripture of the Day:

Job 26: 13-14

            When God leaves us with a mystery that we can’t solve or explain, most of us go through desperate struggles believing He is good and fair. Cynic’s say, “You mean you’re going to trust God who allows this?” Realize, …cynics have no capacity to understand the unfathomable ways of God.

May 3, 2011

I had my first oncology appointment with Dr. Amy. They want and are doing a oncotype test that will give me the odds for reoccurrence. This is a 2 or 3 thousand dollars test that Tricare prime won’t pay for. So I have to find out if my cancer insurance will pay for it. Of course, I’m upset and then I found out mom fell. She doesn’t have any broken bones but they admitted her to Holzer Hospital.

I realize how afraid I am of normal things , like Jacob wanting me to pick him up. He had to climb himself up onto my lap. I’m not quick to hug anymore. I hate the new normal. Dr. Amy wouldn’t sign my back-to-work form. So I had to hunt down Dr. Wilson. 

December 11, 2013

I remember adding yet another doctor to my list of caregivers that I would have to visit. I do love Dr. Amy. She great and listens to everything I say. My insurance ended up paying for this oncotype test. That was good. What it would do was either put me in the "No Chemo" zone, the "Definately Chemo", or in the middle and I would have to decide. Well, of course, I fell in the middle.  But from the beginning we had been addressing my treatment aggressively and proactively. So I decided on the chemo-therapy.

At the time Jacob was barely 4 years old. It was really hard not to be able to pick up and hold my grandson. I come from a family of huggers. We hug anyone that will open their arms for us. So to stop hugging was hard too. But I have to say that I can and am a hugger again. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know he loves you. 

I also maintain a second blog. This blog is what I do to stay busy as a retired teacher. I love to craft and these are my projects. Gammie's Corner

Survival Flash Mob

Scripture of the Day:

Isaiah 43:1-5

            But now this saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, fear not for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest thro the waters, I will be with thee; and thro the rivers, they shall not over flow thee; when they walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God the Holy one of Israel, they Savior; I gave Egypt for thy ransom; Ethiopia and Seba for the., Since thou was precious in my sight, thou has been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee; and people for they life. Fear not for I am with thee…

I Will Survive Flash Mob

On occassion, I pass on my journal so that I can share other things that have come my attention. Gloria Gaynor is a survivor and has great things to share. I have heard this song before and I love it. I also love flash mobs. A flash mob is when people get together and perform and/or sing some kind of moving song. Gloria Gaynor, herself, joined this flash mob performance. It is so up lifting that I just wanted to share. I also saw an interview last week on TV and she talked about what this song did for her in a very low time in her life and how God worked in her life to make her whole. After this song came out, she got lots of letters telling her how inspiring it was to other people for a lot of different reasons. I have bought the book. It is a collection of about 40 stories that people have shared with Gloria about how the song inspired them. I Will Survive The Book can be found at any book store. This link will take you to Barnes and Noble. I bought mine with my Kindle and it was only $10.99. It is so easy to read and so wonderful to hear the stories of others that are either traveling my path or a different one that is full of trials and challenges. Maybe this book will be inspirational for you too. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know He loves you.

Gammie's Corner This is a second blog that keeps me sane and occupied. I'm really enjoying myself. 

Find someone that you can be open with.

Scripture of the Day:

Jeremiah 1:5

            I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born, I set you apart. Joel Osteen – “Trust in the plan God has for you”

April 27, 2011

I ended up talking to David about everything and it was wonderful.  He’s also “making deals”. He also thinks it’s my coping mechanism that I’m so cavalier. Our conversation made me feel so much better.

I worked on the quilt. It’s going to be ok and I decided to share it with Mom. In talking to her, I found out that Patti P had breast cancer. Almost in tears, Mom said she was glad I went for the double mastectomy. Patti went for the lumpectomy and radiation. It came back. It’s in her lungs. I am so sorry.

Johnnie called. Lucky has melanoma in his toe…cancer. It’s being amputated next Tuesday. He’s taking my cue, he says “just cut the cancer out and be done”. He is laughing about it. He says now he’ll only be able to count to 19.  What a great attitude. It broke my heart to get this news. Cancer in any form is not something I’d wish on any one. 

December 9, 2013

One thing that came out of all of this is that I am closer to my husband that I had ever been. I slow to talk to him about anything. Now, if something is on my mind, I just say it. I hope you have someone that you can confide in like that. If you haven't, I'm thinking that you know someone that you can trust, you just don't trust yourself. You want to make it easy for those around you. I know it's hard on David, but I don't think he'd have it any other way. 

It's also really hard to find out that very dear friends come down with some sort of cancer. I'm so thankful that I was such a positive role model for my friend, Lucky. 

If you are making this hourney as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know he loves you.

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couplethis book is by my brother-in-law. It is getting great reviews. He and my sister have adopted 3 special needs children after their own had grown. I am reading it and I am surprised. She never told us the kinds of hoops they had to jump through to be able to bring these children home. If you are considering or know someone considering adoption, please consider a special needs child. They need forever homes, too. Read the book. I think it would help young and old who want to adopt. 

I also maintain a second blog. It is called Gammie's Corner. Here I try different projects and then tell you how well I did or didn't do. These are my activities to help keep me sane and occupied. I'm really enjoying it:

Gammie's Corner

Let Others Help You

Scripture of the Day:

Genesis 22

            God calls Himself Jehovah, Jireh the Provider – when Abraham was offering Isaac and there was a ram caught in the bushes, he is also Jehovah Ropphe the Healer. There are 9 names of God in the Old Testament that describes what Jesus did on the cross.

April 26, 2011

I don’t know what to think. Susan says that I’m too flippant about my disease. I think she’s right. I still haven’t accepted that I am lucky enough to escape death from this thing. I don’t feel like I deserve the accolades and prayer I’m getting. God I’m so arrogant. It’s disgusting. Like I’ll go down in history as someone people can look up to or all these writing will become a book and make me money.  I don’t deserve any of it. I don’t deserve him (David). Lately, it’s been all about me. There are two of us in this. I’m not considering myself lucky enough. My intellect knows that I am…and given the same choices, I’d do it the same way. I’m thinking I need a support group. On the internet the only one that I have found are in Suffolk and Portsmouth. The only one close is for women under 50. I’m sure I could find one through Sonoma. And suddenly, I’m ready to get rid of all my dogs except Tucker. What does that mean, if anything.

Tina Moore just called. It was helpful. It was just what I needed. I just have to remember that what people do for me (and I’m grateful) helps them because they are helping me. I have to admit that it’s hard to realize that I have beaten death. I wish I could remember some or what Tina said. She did tell me about “Just wanting to be normal”

December 6, 2013,

If you're like me, you're the only one that can do it right. You're the only one that can get it done at all. You need to stop that. Those people that want to help you need to be able to do so as much for themselves as they need to for you. No one in you life wants you to have to go through this and they will want to help you as much as they can. You MUST let them. I am still amazed at what people would do or say to help me. But you also have to know when to gently say, I can do this. I didn't want to fall into the rut where I did nothing for myself. That is not good either. So we have to find that balance. I still have to. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know he loves you

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couple this book is by my brother-in-law. It is getting great reviews. He and my sister have adopted 3 special needs children after their own had grown. If you are considering or know someone considering adoption, please consider a special needs child. They need forever homes, too.

I also maintain a second blog. It is called Gammie's Corner. Here I try different projects and then tell you how well I did or didn't do. These are my activities to help keep me sane and occupied. 

Gammie's Corner

What Expanders Do.

Scripture of the Day:

Joel Osteen 2/20/11 

Hebrew 12:1

            …surrounded by great cloud of witnesses let us run our race. Saints of old, family that has gone before (Daddy, Grandma Hayes and Grandma Robbins, and others) cheering me on. You may be afraid but do it anyway. Job says double is coming your way. I am going to come out of this increased. Praise can bring healing.

April 25, 2011

I got my first expansion today. He said we have lost of work to do. I took at as it was going to be time consuming. Also Angel (one of our dogs) went to her new home. So I was emotional anyway. I just started crying. I told Dr. Taylor I just wanted to be normal again. He said this was all normal. I’ve noticed that he can sometimes be very dense.  Normal for me is if it had never happened. On the way home and since I seem to be going through the depression phase, I told David that if he asks what’s wrong with me and I blow him off- just give me a hug. My right breast is different to look at. It doesn’t really feel different.

December 5, 2013

Recovery from breast cancer is not an overnight event. It will take time and patience. After the surgery and the expanders were put into me, I had to go ever so often to have them expanded. This would stretch the skin and make room for the implants when it came time to do that. These are under my pectoral muscles and those need to grow to accommodate the implants. Realize your natural breasts are on top of your pectoral muscles. 

Because of the breast cancer, I gave up breeding cocker spaniels. I miss having the puppies, but because my daughter lives in Germany and I am retired and can travel to see her, it is easier not to start breeding again. I am free to take off and visit. We also had 4 dogs and decided that was too many to handle during recovery. So we let 2 of them go. Angel went to a great lady who has taken special care of her. I recently found out that they are moving to Florida and Angel has a special place in their hearts.

I listened to a lot of Joel Osteen at the time. During one sermon, he likened the "great cloud of witnesses" to bleachers in heaven with my family and friends that have go before, up there cheering me on. It was such a wonderful thought to realize that it's true. My dad, who left us in 1989, is probably the loudest of all and leading the pack. When I'm down, I try to remember my cheering section and find the strength to keep going and cheer myself up. 

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch, I know he loves you.

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couple this book is by my brother-in-law. It is getting great reviews. He and my sister have adopted 3 special needs children after their own had grown. If you are considering or know someone considering adoption, please consider a special needs child. They need forever homes, too.

I also maintain a second blog. It is called Gammie's Corner. Here I try different projects and then tell you how well I did or didn't do. These are my activities to help keep me sane and occupied. Gammie's Corner

I just want to be normal

Scripture of the Day:

Hebrew 13:5, 6

            Let your conversation be without covetousness: and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

April 24, 2011

Yesterday was awful for me. It seemed like David was really testy and I felt like we were avoiding each other. Yes, me too. But when we went to bed, I lost it and had the gut-wrenching cry that I hadn't had yet over this! I did cry some on Thursday listening to music. I just want to be normal. I told him I wanted him but that I was afraid it would hurt. He said he wanted me but he was afraid he’d hurt me. It feels like I’ve got foreign bodies attached to my chest now that feeling is coming back…and I do with the expanders in there. I’m afraid I’ll feel the same way when I have the implants put in. I’m afraid I’ll never feel normal again.

This morning was much better. He’s taking time to hold me a minute and I’m taking time to get the hugs he’ll share with me. I love him so.

I got a phone call from one of my students and her mother. We talked about an hour. It was so nice that they cared enough to check in.

December 4, 2013

I have to say that those days got better and fewer along the way. Our hugs have improved because of this. We hold on to each other much longer than before. I have the implants in now and I have to say it feels better than expanders, but it doesn't feel like me. I'm always conscious of what is there, and they are not mine. But it is much easier to live with now after 2 1/2 years.

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know he loves you. 

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couple this book is by my brother-in-law. It is getting great reviews. He and my sister have adopted 3 special needs children after their own had grown. If you are considering or know someone considering adoption, consider a special needs child. They need forever homes. too.

I also maintain a second blog. It is called Gammie's Corner. Here I try different projects and then tell you how well I did or didn't do. These are my activities to help keep me sane and occupied. Gammie's Corner

How to do a Self-Breast Exam

Scripture of the Day:

Psalm 91:4

            He shall cover thee with his feathers and under his wings shat thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Self Breast Exam

I can't stress enough how important it is to keep up with your yearly mammograms and doing the monthly self-breast check' Early detection saves lives. I am living proof of that. What I have gone through is no picnic, but I am living and able to tell you about it. Please don't put it off. On the first day of the month, I have several things I have to do. I give me pets their monthly medication and I give myself a breast exam. Why do I have to do it, since I don't have any real breasts? They can't guarantee that they got every breast cell. It only takes one for cancer to start spreading. Since my mastectomy, I've found several lumps on my monthly check. Then I've gone and had them checked. They have turned out to be scar tissue or something else that didn't concern my doctors. But I had them checked. I will in lieu of a mammogram, get an MRI. I will never forget to schedule these. I have attached a link to a page that tells you how to give yourself the exam. If you are a man, you should do this too. Breast cancer does not discriminate. 

How to do a Breast Exam

If you are making this journey as I am, may God bless you with his healing touch. I know he loves you. 

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couple this book is by my brother-in-law. He and my sister have adopted 3 special needs children after their own had grown. If you are considering or know someone considering adoption, consider a special needs child. They need forever homes. too

Special Needs: Adoption Journey of an Older Couple