October 13, 2013

 

Daily Scripture

He's already taken care of it. He's making your crooked places straight. Nothing will set you out of God's hands.

Deuteronomy 9:1-3

 

Before I add today's edition of my journal, I want to say that just because they say they got it all, I can't stop being vigilant. The following is what I posted on Facebook to my friends and family hopefully so that they would be encouraged to get their yearly exams and do the self checks:

Before I tell you the following please understand that I am ok. I am NOT concerned. I have found another lump in the same breast that had cancer in the first place. Although I am NOT concerned, I am not ignoring it either. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I found it doing a self-exam. Yes, I still have to do those even though I don't get mammograms any more. This is not the first time this ...has happened and the other knots are being monitored but they have not changed. Breast Cancer is diagnosed every 3 minutes. One in 8 women will be diagnosed with Breast Cancer. There are 15 people on that I could chat with right now. That means one of them could have breast cancer. Those are horrible odds!!!! I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But, if you have to go through it, catch it early. Get your mammograms and do the self-checks. I can't tell you how important they are. I can't call myself cancer-free for another 2 1/2 years. I am so looking forward to the day that I go back to once a year check ups and I don't have to take my meds any more. Please take care of yourselves and keep up with what your body is telling you. I hate this but I'm so glad that I did. The result could've been so much worse.

 

March 5, 2011

 

Yesterday was the 1^st day of being someone with breast cancer. I wrote some things on notepaper yesterday. I didn’t write where I got this one. God understands our prayers even if we can’t find the words to say them. I read this somewhere.

This is the first day of my journey. I am on the road to becoming the next breast cancer survivor.

Standing on the Promises of God - This is also a song by Alan Jackson, that helped me.

6:50 AM - Just stood looking at pictures of Hailey, Evan Michael and Jacob. I hadn’t thought that far yet. I don’t want them to be afraid of me in life or death – Damn. There I go again… All about me. David would argue yes. But this affects so many,

I asked for prayers for David. He doesn’t think (in my opinion) that he’s what I need him to be. Bryan’s response for David– he just needs to be here. Becky put in perspective for me – “He’s a rock. It’ll come to him. He’s just realizing that his strength is not enough. (He can’t fix this with strength). She said it’s not a bad place for him to be.

So it occurs to me that this will affect everyone associated with me in how they come to realize things about themselves that they didn’t necessarily know before…and that’s a good thing.

Gwyndra (my sister-in-law) had me buy a book “Love, Medicine and Miracles” by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D. The introduction is already encouraging. The book said to take the time to listen. That is so easy to do here at Stony Creek.  I’ve done that here for the last 3 years. To rejuvenate and be able to step back in the classroom and I can tell, people around me will say “You didn’t go to Stony Creek this weekend, did you?” I don’t think I’m behaving differently but apparently I am.

 

I’m thinking I’m in denial – The stages of grief are denial, anger, acceptance, bargaining and depression. I have my moment. But I’m just not as upset as others.

Sara says Breanna (my niece) is taking it hard. It was her idea to buy T-shirts that say I wear pink for my aunt or sister.

I’ve started another angel. (This is a cross-stitch piece. You can google the name and see the angle) I haven’t finished the last 2 or 3. This is the Angel of Hope. It’s the 3^rd time I’ve made this one. The first for Gwyndra when she found out she had cancer in 1992 and the 2^nd was for Bryan expressing hope for his career.

Reflections – Love, Medicine and Miracles – Bernie S Siegel, M.D.

·        Beneficial side effects – the freedom to live because aware of mortality

·        Hope and love complementary therapies

·        Healing is hard work as is any change one makes in life

·        Don’t hesitate to speak up if you are not treated with respect. Submissive behavior is not survival behavior

·        “He who seeks to save his life will lose it, and he who is willing to lose his life will save it.”

·        If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.

·        Survivors take time to be still and listen

·        …not devoted to changing people but devoted to people

·        Love’s blindness is therapeutic because it allows us to function without storing the images of its difficulties.

·        God doesn’t play favorites (he’s talking about the ability to heal)

·        Do not live in a role.

·        Information doesn’t change anyone, Inspiration does.

·        The Bible ends in Revelations, not conclusions.

 

 

My children took it well. Emily and Bryan maybe a little harder than Evan. They in the past tend to shy away from the unacceptable possibilities. But not this time. I’ve said to people, in front of David, that Evan is a rock – his father’s son. David walks out to the garage for a while. But when it comes down to brass tacks, they have all stepped

up. Emily was the 1^st to check in yesterday. Bryan is talking in support of David

Stony Creek (country property) is my sanctuary. David calls it my Oasis, where there are no sirens, loud cars, noisy neighborhood children, no real TV and barely internet. So peaceful.

I wonder if I’ve been prepared for this. For the past year, I have learned to talk to David. I told him that Susan said that I am no defined by my breasts. And Becky (my sister) said he wasn’t defined by his muscles and that was a good thing. I told him he would be learning about himself same as me. It seemed to help. He started reading the book (Love, Medicine and Miracles – Bernie S Siegel, M.D.), too. There was a time I would’ve kept it all in. I admitted to David that this wasn’t the time to hold anything in.

Nancy (my sister) was robbed yesterday. Some guy in a hood and sunglasses told her to give him her money. She told him NO! He had a gun, but she was 100% sure it wasn’t real or she would have handled it differently. He got some money because she fought him and the cash register fell off the counter and landed on the floor. They caught the guy. It had to be sort to funny. He probably didn’t expect her to stand up to him! It was a supportive story for me. If she can stand up to that, I can stand up to this!!!

I asked David not to let me take advantage and he asked me not to let him hover.

Sara (sister) called – Tina (her sister-in-law) had exactly what I have – not in the lymph nodes. Don’t know about me yet. It’s been 10 years since her mastectomy and she had to take a pill for 5 years.